Monday, July 7, 2014

It's all but a crush

Why do I always think of you like this?
Why does it never end?
I see you, my heart stops. I forget to breath.
Everything I did to get to where I am is forgotten.
I'm still wishing you were mine.
I think of what we could be, what we should have been.
I think of what a beautiful family we would have made.
You and I a perfect future.
The rhyme of our names put together.
Oh what a beautiful sound.

I smile in my own world.
I fantasize.
My thoughts, better than all the romance novels I've ever read.
But you don't see me, you don't know me, and Id never tell.
You were never mine.
Never will be.
Because you don't love me.
Never have.
Your thoughts different from mine.
You are always taken, there's always somebody else.

That's the sacrifice I take to see you happy.
See you living what I wish we had with someone else.
Hear you tell me how you love her, over and over again.
Only to distance us further even more.
Painfully accepting that your heart belongs to somebody else.
Always did, always will.
Single is what I've known.
I'm accustomed to its loneliness.
My desires mean nothing because you taught me that.
What I feel isn't important and should be ignored.

I've learned to distance myself from you over the years.
Only because I want to forget you.
I want to erase you from my heart.
Even still, when I see you after the years:
It all comes back, haunting me.
My heart crushed into pieces, with empty spaces.
A place now with only resentment and confusion.
I smile even when Im angry at you, because you make me happy.
Only to say goodbye again and have to move on without you.
I ask myself, "Was it ever all just but a crush?"

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