A Twilight Dream

I miss the days when my life felt like a simple twilight dream, where joy came effortlessly from the small, beautiful simplicities of life. Back then, the world felt slower, softer, untouched by the need to please or impress. The days were not shadowed by expectations, nor were they governed by the ticking of a clock that measured success by the standards of ambition. Life was just a quiet rhythm of moments—moments that held their own magic, unsullied by the weight of goals yet to be achieved.

Those days seem distant now, almost like the fading hues of a sunset, just out of reach, but still visible in my mind’s eye. I can still remember what it felt like to exist without constantly wondering if I was enough. Enough for the world, for others, for myself. There was a time when my heart was light, when the sound of laughter or the sight of the first light of dawn was enough to fill me with joy. Now, those feelings are buried beneath the ever-growing layers of expectations—expectations that I have come to carry as if they were mine all along, but in truth, they were imposed. Imposed by a world that measures worth by ambition and success, a world that tells us that if we are not striving toward something, we are nothing.

How many of us have bought into that belief? How many of us have allowed ourselves to become consumed by a vision of the future, always chasing, never fully arriving? We walk this path, constantly busy, heads down, eyes focused on the horizon, hoping to achieve something great. But in doing so, we often lose sight of the beauty that surrounds us in the here and now. I know I have. There are days when I wonder what could have been if I had not been caught in the race to become more. What if I had allowed myself to just be, to bask in the joy of the present moment without the burden of ambition weighing down my every step?

And yet, I know that ambition is not inherently bad. It can push us to grow, to explore the far reaches of our potential. But the defeat that comes with unmet expectations—it is that which lingers. The defeats that are not even memories, but rather dreams that never came to be. Creations of the mind, shaped by the desire to meet a standard I was never sure I wanted to follow in the first place. A world that demands we run ever faster, ever farther, without pause to catch our breath. And in that running, it is so easy to lose ourselves.

I wonder, as I often do in these quiet moments, what it would take for the world to slow down again. I wonder, maybe, just maybe, if God loved me enough, He would answer the prayers I once thought myself worthy of. There was a time when I believed in the power of those prayers, believed that if I was good enough, if I followed the right path, those prayers would be answered. Maybe I thought that by being good, I could earn my dreams. I could dream a life worthy of being lived, worthy of a love so strong that I would lose myself in it, utterly and completely.

But could it be that I am only imagining such a life? Could it be that this wish I hold so dearly will never be fulfilled? It’s a thought that stirs deep within me—an uncomfortable thought that breeds envy, anger, and desire all at once. It’s a wish so tightly wrapped in expectation that it can’t help but entangle me in its snare. Maybe that’s the real curse, this binding of the mind to a vision that may never manifest. A vision of love, of success, of peace—each one a figment of a reality I may never touch.

I wonder if I am alone in this, or if others, too, find themselves lost in their own visions. We live in a world that tells us to dream big, to wish for more, to strive endlessly. But at what cost? How many of us are caught in this endless loop of wanting and waiting? I swim in this loop, constantly moving, constantly hoping. Hoping that maybe, just maybe, if I wish hard enough, if I pray hard enough, it will come to pass. That one day, my dreams will take form, will become real, will become my life.

But for now, I exist in the in-between—a place where hope dances with doubt, where I am neither here nor there. I dance in this pretense, pretending that I am content, that the loop of maybes is enough to sustain me. Maybe, just maybe, one day, I will wake from this twilight dream, and it will no longer be a dream but a reality. Perhaps, one day, I will step out of the shadows and into the light of a dream fulfilled.

Until then, I wait. I wait in this space of endless maybes, caught between what is and what could be. I wait, because what else can I do? There are moments when the weight of waiting feels unbearable, moments when I want to give in, to let go of the dream entirely. But something keeps me holding on—perhaps it is the hope that lives deep inside of me, the hope that whispers that maybe, just maybe, this dream is worth waiting for.

And so, I wait. I wait with the quiet understanding that dreams take time, that they do not always manifest when we want them to, but in their own time, in their own way. I wait with the knowledge that life is not about rushing toward a destination, but about the journey we take to get there. Perhaps that is the true meaning of this twilight dream—to teach me to slow down, to be present, to find joy in the journey itself.

Because maybe, just maybe, the journey is the dream. And that, in itself, is enough.

Life's Fragility and the Quest for Meaning: Making Every Beat Count

 

Digital Painting by Sylvia Oloo

We forget that life is fragile. That all it takes for it to end is the stop of a beat. That we are one day here and the next we are gone, so what then are we doing with our life? Do we care to make a difference in the world; do we care to make our presence known? Or are we just passing by? What are we really doing with our lives?

I’ve asked myself this a couple of times. I question my purpose repeatedly, hoping that it is effective to someone, hoping that if I were to die today I will have touched a life of another, that I will have made a difference, that I will be memorable, and that I will have lived a life worth mentioning.

In the midst of the bustling and often chaotic tapestry of life, we tend to forget the fragility that underlies our existence. We become engrossed in our daily routines, our ambitions, and our worries, seldom pausing to consider that all it takes for life to cease is the silent cessation of a heartbeat. The brevity of life is an undeniable truth that has been contemplated by philosophers, poets, and thinkers throughout the ages. Yet, it is a truth that remains both haunting and inspirational, forcing us to confront the profound question: What are we truly doing with our lives?

One day we are here, with dreams to chase, relationships to cultivate, and aspirations to fulfill. The next day, we are gone, leaving behind memories and echoes of our existence. The starkness of this reality is both a reminder and a call to action. It beckons us to evaluate our priorities, to assess the impact we are leaving on the world, and to question the significance of our presence.

In the midst of life's frenetic pace, it's easy to overlook the depth of our influence. We are not mere spectators on the sidelines of existence; we are active participants in a grand symphony of moments, emotions, and experiences. The question of whether we care to make a difference becomes not just a philosophical inquiry but a personal challenge. Do we dare to elevate our existence beyond the mundane and ordinary? Do we dare to touch the lives of others, to create ripples of change that extend far beyond our individual selves?

The allure of making our presence known is a reflection of our innate desire for connection and significance. We yearn to be more than fleeting shadows; we long to carve our names into the annals of time. This aspiration, however, is complex. It stems from a deep human need to leave a mark, to be remembered, and to defy the passage of time. Yet, it is also an opportunity to harness our potential for good—to foster compassion, kindness, and empathy that can resonate through generations.

But are we merely passing by in this intricate dance of existence? This question, poignant and introspective, guides us to introspection. It encourages us to delve into the core of our actions, motivations, and choices. To be "just passing by" is to live without intention, without purpose, and without embracing the opportunity to touch lives and leave a positive imprint.

The echo of these thoughts resounds in my contemplations of my own purpose. Repeatedly questioning one's purpose is a journey toward self-discovery, an endeavor to align one's actions with values and passions. It is a testament to the human spirit's innate curiosity, the relentless pursuit of significance, and the aspiration to contribute meaningfully to the world.

The hope of leaving an effective mark on someone else's life, of inducing positive change, becomes a beacon guiding the choices we make. In the face of life's fragility, this hope blossoms into a profound urgency—a call to ensure that our existence is not in vain. It is a hope that aspires to touch lives, to inspire others, and to become an integral part of the tapestry of human experience.

The desire to be memorable, to make a difference, and to live a life worth mentioning encapsulates the multifaceted essence of the human condition. It encapsulates the desire to be more than a mere statistic, more than a fleeting moment in the grand scheme of time. This desire has the potential to drive us toward remarkable feats, both small and large, that can transform not only our lives but the lives of those around us.

Yet, it's crucial to acknowledge that the pursuit of a meaningful life is not a linear journey. It is an exploration filled with moments of doubt, introspection, and even confusion. In this journey, it's valuable to seek guidance from mentors, friends, or professionals who can offer insights and perspectives. The act of contemplating life's purpose is not a solitary endeavor but a collective one, where shared experiences and wisdom can illuminate the path.

In conclusion, life's fragility serves as a poignant reminder that each heartbeat is a gift, a chance to make a lasting impact. The questions posed—about making a difference, leaving a mark, and embracing our fleeting existence—are invitations to reflect, to act, and to evolve. They urge us to be architects of our own legacies, crafting stories that transcend time. As we grapple with these questions, we become the weavers of the intricate tapestry of existence, ensuring that each thread is woven with purpose, compassion, and a profound appreciation for the fragile beauty of life.

LIFE PASSES BY!

Get illustration: Download

Life passes by. It doesn’t care that you’re happy or miserable or that you did or didn’t do the things you were meant to, or that you forgot to do something. It keeps going. The longer you linger on issues that faze you or things you wish you did differently, the more it passes by. Stuck in a limbo, your thoughts consume you. Even though, your thoughts are not kind, poison, they torment you with 'what ifs', possibilities of things you’d wish you’d change, overwhelmed by all of it… life keeps moving.

So what’s the best thing to do?

Move on. It hurts, it’s cruel, it’s not calculated, but you move on because if you don’t, you will be lost forever in your mind, all these while life passes you by.  

12 THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR THIS YEAR

At the beginning of the year I decided to get a gratitude jar and fill it with thank you notes. I scribbled down the things I was mostly grateful for at the end of every week. I started off so well but as the year went by it got harder for me to keep up, so I started dropping in notes whenever I remembered or whenever something in my mind popped up and I was thankful for it; it’s no wonder the jar didn’t overflow as I imagined it would. I plan to open the jar on the last day of the year and I figured I should at least share twelve things I am grateful for this year.  Twelve because there are twelve months in the year; though, keep in mind that the things I’ve listed, didn’t necessarily happen in that order.

     1.  Juza Africa

I am glad to have been part of the founding team of Juza Africa that installs digital libraries around primary schools. The organization focuses on improving literacy and making the educative process more efficient and effective for schools in Africa using technology inspired solutions. My work with the team has been to capture the process, create content and run the social media pages. The most joy I’ve got out of the work is being able to do something for the community and share the love and joy with the children as they receive the digital libraries. If you’re looking for a way to give back to the society, please consider the organization, you can donate on the website.

     2. Getting my books on Amazon

As a creative, I get excited knowing that I’ve put out something into the world. I officially have three books published under my name. Its two screenplays and a children’s illustration book that you can buy from Amazon. That officially makes me a published author and I am definitely thankful for that.  Check out the link to all my 3 books here: Click to buy my books on Amazon

 Alongside publishing my own books, I also helped my cousin publish her own book, ‘Beyond theCrevices.’ If you’re looking to publish your own book, please lets discuss, I’m happy to get your book published as well. At a fee of course!

     3. Stock photography

I have a lot of pictures sitting in my computer because of the love I have for photography. I decided to share this on stock sites and it has been such a rewarding experience. If you are considering doing this for some extra bucks please do. My only regret is that I hadn’t started sooner. My most earning website has been Dreamstime, which I am an exclusive partner. If you plan to join please use my affiliate link. I am also on Shutterstock, but it hasn’t got me much, I know for sure everyone’s experience is different, so if you’re still interested in joining Shutterstock you can use my referral link. The good thing with stock photography is that you can make up to $1000 a year just having your photos on the website. Some people have been luckier and have made that in a month.  So please try it out if you’re a photographer and find out how your work does.

4. Getting a website

It took a while but with the help of a great website developer I created my own website www.spinklycreations.com based off the idea of stock photos. I realized there are a lot of people looking for creative content, so figured it’s a great way to keep mine all together in one place. Please check out the website and support my work by registering and engage on the site. You can also buy some of my digital content, I would really appreciate it.

     5.  Getting back on YouTube

I’m able to showcase the process of my work and to increase my outreach through YouTube.  I created the channel for my illustrations one year ago, though I stopped for some time. I picked it up again this year and I’ve decided to be consistent with it. Hopefully, I can build an audience. Please click on the link and subscribe to my channel if you are a fan of my work. It will encourage me to keep going: Subscribe

     6. Creating a Spinkly Store

The great thing with Teespring, which is the website I’m using for my designs, is that it allows me to print on demand and the site also takes care of the shipping. This way I am able to sell my paintings as well as use my wallpapers and patterns to create merchandise such as tshirts, pillows, hoodies, cases and the likes. Check out my store.

      7. Traveling for my birthday

On my birthday this year I took a trip to Diani. It’s not to another country as I had originally hoped for but it was very fulfilling all the same. I got to travel with my big sister who was great company. The trip was a much needed vacation. I’ve put in so much work this year, and whether I get appreciated for it or not, I figured it’s the least I could do for myself, reward my efforts.

I also realized that I am so blessed to have been to a total of 19 countries in my life (Kenya, Tanzania, Ethiopia, Egypt, Senegal, Guinea Bissau, UK, Greece, Italy, Netherlands, Jordan, Lebanon, Syria, Israel, UAE, Turkey, USA, Pakistan and India) and I really plan to make that 20 by next year. I like the idea of my 20^th country being in 2020.

8. Books I’ve read 

I am not much of a reader, but I’m glad that I managed to read four books this year. This is such an improvement from last year because I only read one book (It was even a book I was editing, so I’m not sure if that even counts). Hopefully next year I can finish six books in total as I had hoped would be the case this year. Below is a list of the titles I read this year:

• The self-esteem workbook
• Becoming Michelle Obama
• Act like a lady, think like a man.
• You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make em chacha: Why Some People Stay in Abuse and Some Don't.

      9. Appreciating your circle

This year I learned that being close to your family members is a blessing. Generally when people don’t have great relationships with people they live with or work with, it can be toxic. I’m now wary of the people I allow in my life, and I’m especially grateful for the people that love me for being me, and wouldn’t change a thing. The older you get, the harder it becomes to keep friendships. It’s no wonder the older you get the smaller the circle.

      10. Health

Slowly by slowly I am starting to have problems with my health. I won’t mention them particularly, but a lot of my conditions have got worse with age. Nowadays I consider health as not having to go through any excruciating pain, because when pain or illness comes, it’s a reminder that health is so important and we shouldn’t take it for granted. I hope as I step into 2020 I can actually stick to a healthy diet and follow through with exercising, I don’t like it but it’s necessary.

11. Building a relationship with God

I believe in God and my strength comes from God. I feel like the past few years my relationship with God hasn’t been at its best, so lately I have been working on that and so far so good. Prayer works, you just have to be patient, and know that God’s time is always best. I’ve learned that being at peace with my God results to being at peace with myself.

      12. Blogging

I know, I can’t really brag about this blog part, or say I am grateful for how much I have written. Though, I am glad I have this platform to express myself in written form. I have really missed it, and the fact that I am able to come back whenever I feel like, without any pressure, at no cost, I appreciate that. I don’t know if there’s anybody who reads what I write, but I still choose to write because I realize I love writing. I’m no Shakespeare or English guru but I’m a creative writer. I love expressing myself through writing because it gives my thoughts value. Thanks if you actually did read up to the end because I doubt people still read blogs, but you do and that’s rare! Have a prosperous and successful 2020! I hope to write more next year!

Comment below the books you’ve read this year, and let me know what you were mostly grateful for this year. 

5 Different type of artists

Watch how I create the above image here

Artists, a person who expresses human creativity and imagination in a visual form to be appreciated primarily for its beauty or emotional power. 

There are so many types of artist involved in the different constituents of the arts which comprise of literature, performing arts and the visual arts. It’s safe to say we all don’t fit into the same category when it comes to creating and presenting our work but here’s a few things I can poke at that outline the different type of artist.  

1.    Careless artist

The careless artists are more of the risk takers and don’t usually take the time to plan their work. These type of artists are not so much caught up in doing their work until the last minute. There work is usually carelessly done, assuming it is done in a hurry; hence, not so much effort is put into it. Simplicity is key for them as most of their work involves a few splashes here and there but the result is marvelous! These are the kind of people who don’t care much for deadlines. No matter what they do, their work is always good and so they don’t worry too much about details. Five minutes or five days doesn’t make much of a difference for them as they are gifted with the talent and they solely depend on it. Unfortunately most of these artist tend to be lazy because creativity comes easy for them. In terms of delivery, they still complete their work and satisfying the audience or clients’ needs. I would say these kind of artists need a lot of push in order to take their talent or work seriously since despite everything they are still able to deliver, which means they most likely don’t get to live to their full potential.

2.    The planner artist

The planner artist is the opposite of the careless artist. The planners are the organized type of artist and love to plan their work ahead of time. They are not so much of the risk takers as they would probably need their work to be more precise. I imagine the planner artist wouldn’t consider a pen as a tool for drawing as they are perfectionists and are more specific to details. They would rather do sketches and prefer pencils that allow them to erase and draw over to better their work to perfection.  The planner artist definitely has the talent, they are aware of the talent but still plan out their work to ensure that everything goes according to plan as it is preempted. A lot of the times their work is neat and tidy as they colour within the lines. I imagine that these are the kind of artists that make better designers and freelancers as they are able to plan out proposals to show their clients the kind of work they will create before they actually create it. At the same time they are able to save their work in stages, so that they can go back and correct their work if required.

3.    The lucky artist

The lucky artist are the type of artists who create by accident. You ask them what they are going to create, they have no idea but when they finally create it’s a success. Now these are the type of artist that are considered lucky as they know they have the talent and they rely on the talent to come through for them when needed. I consider them a bit closer in relation to the careless artist as they have the unplanned quality, seeing that they don’t know beforehand what they will create; they discover it through the process of practice. Their work is based on results and outcome, so they require patients and faith because their work speaks for itself, you wouldn’t believe it wasn’t planned for. These type of artists need to build trustworthy relations with their clients who have seen their work and believe in it. In some cases they also fit in with the planned artist as they require a lot of time in order to create. It takes them a lot of trials to do the work as you will notice their work takes a different direction from the original thought process (if they managed to think it out beforehand). They are also the type of artist that because of luck, one of their pieces will sell for millions because their creations take on a life of its own, as their creation is based off from the creation process. Doesn’t matter how long it takes them but eventually with the luck they’ve got, once `discovered’ their journeys are more entertaining as they make for better stories. All in all I would say the lucky artist’s work is deemed unpredictable so they would fit better into the fine arts.

4.    Clueless artist

The clueless artist is the type of artist that doesn’t even realize they are talented. You give them a compliment and they are as surprised as you are that their work is good. The admiring of their work usually comes as a surprise as they are unaware of their talent and capabilities. The clueless artists are probably the one timers that decide to create and it’s unbelievably good, the type of people who you’ll invite to attend a painting class and they’ll perform even better than you the artists who has been doing it for a while. You end up with a ‘student performing better than the teacher’ situation, though it’s not anything they take seriously. A lot of them go without exploring their talent because they couldn’t be bothered by it. That’s they kind of people you hear singing randomly, you’ll be surprised they can sing, you complement them, they are thankful but that’s all it will ever be since their carrier paths and choices have nothing to do with their talent. In some cases the clueless artist is aware of their talent but it’s as good as irrelevant as they do nothing with it as they wouldn’t even know how to go about it.    

5.    Wannabe artist

The wannabe artist are those who don’t have the talent but they admire artist, they love artists, they study artist until they become artists. The funny thing is they are usually the loudest of all artists. They could list the top artists or name all those who are good at what they wish they could do. Majority leave it at that as they attempt to be what they admire but they don’t quite achieve being the artist they sort. If they do they are loud with the efforts of acquiring the talent, so much that they are recognized for it, even if sometimes they are not so good at it. All we can do is admire their efforts. The good thing with art is ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ and chances are that there is always someone that relates to their work. Take for instance singing, nowadays you don’t have to have a voice to sing. Most wannabes spend a lot of money or time making themselves better until they do become better. You find that they are recognized even more than the real artists with the born talent, they are the so called made artists. The wannabe artists are those who suck at it and you wouldn’t convince them otherwise, I mean why should we? Besides, at the end of the day we’re all just artist trying to make a living out of our talents or what we do best. Kudos to all those artists who succeed and are able to make a living out of it. I would say the wannabe artists make better teachers and managers of artists as they master well what makes an artist and are able to pass on the talent or shape up artists to be better.

Please do let me know what type of artist you are in the comments…

Watch my speed art of some of my illustrated pieces

A lot of people don’t understand how much goes into creating a digital piece. I get undercharged figured I would record some of them and show you:

Watch me illustrate and color from sketches to digital art... I speeded up the time.

Here is how I turn faces into cartoon characters:

Here is how I make vectors either for icon, logos or favicon use:

I also like creating background images for web or wallpaper use. The them of the one below was florals:

I also do simple general illustrations for books or any required digital art:

Having faith and patience in the process.

I have been contemplating a lot about rules and concepts of designs by trying to be a rebel in order to get things done. Why this way and why not that? Wondering, why must I do it the way everyone else does? A lot of it is common and redundant, which is not how I like things to be. I mean, who likes ordinary right? So then, I try and make it work in my own way, set by my own standards, and to my liking but most of the times I realize that my own liking is not necessarily accepted by the majority. I come to realize that the masses of the norms are directed by the numbers, which then explain why rules are set; to govern our thoughts.

In as much as I like to do things my own way, my growth in designs has taught me that my work is not so much mine but for the person I do it for. Eventually I am dictated to do things to the likes of others or to the acceptability of the majority. I learn to have faith in the system of rules with the understanding that the reason it is the way it is, is because of the likability of the masses and its qualification to cater for most.

The sad part is a lot of creatives begin unruly but eventually they are molded to fit into a box. They are shown how to do things in ways that are acceptable by many, even though they may not necessarily agree with it. Can I say we are denied the chance to show our own creativity and ideas? A lot of the times we represent those who have already made it before us by making references to their work on ours, which is not necessarily a bad thing. I value giving people credit and displaying the works of those who came before us but is it to say we are useless and lack originality? As if we are to blame. As if we chose the time of our existence. The thing with doing things now is majority of the work is already discovered or done for us. Every idea I have or anything cool I think I have made, somehow someone somewhere has already thought of or done it. Originality is shunned upon, unknowingly when we question our differences and pin point the great minds that thought like we do. We rely so much on replication that we find ourselves spending more time researching on other people’s work and spending less time on discovering our own. I find myself accepting that there is a root to every course, and an origin to everything I think of and that nothing I think of is truly entirely completely my own.

I therefore choose to have faith in the system, there has to be a reason why it is the way it is. Same way that everyone that comes to me, comes already knowing what they want. I trust they have thought it out, and my work is just to implement their ideas and bring it to reality. As for my own work, I need to have patience in it and make time for it. People are not quick to take on ideas and try new things. They lack comfort in the idea of expecting a designer to create something from the blue, which is why they come to you with their expectations. I don’t blame them, we all want to make sure that when something is created, it is within the scope of our imagination; something we are already familiar with. We don’t want to trust entirely on creations someone else does on our behalf, lest they go overboard. You want to make sure they are in line with what you think. Yet when you think about it, all we do is limit ourselves.

Good thing is while doing my own work, I am able to create everything as it is, straight from the mind. I am able to sprout out new ideas from nothing and make it known to the world, whether accepted or not. I find comfort knowing that it is my beauty that I’ve created, whether the world accepts it or not; I brought it to existence. Then again, there’s that notion of, a lot of replications exist… which limit originality. In result, we create a lot of duplicates. Duplicates reduces the value of our work, which further makes people justify their exploitation of us. Despite all odds, I have chosen to be patient and have faith in the process. I believe that my work will one day speak for itself. As I am the one who dictates my worth and I know that creativity in itself is valuable.