CRY

One of my paintings

Sometimes I wanna CRY!!!

Cry for my uncertainties... Cry because I miss my past life... Cry because I'm not content about my future... Cry because I want better... Cry because I'm hurting... Cry because I'm happy or cause am sad... Yeah, Sometimes I just want to cry for no reason and not be asked or have to feel the need to explain myself.

I keep looking back at my pictures, looking back at all the opportunities I had around me and end up disappointed at myself for the little I made of them.

I can't fathom some of the choices I made at some points in my life, and why they led me to where I am now in my life. Are they relevant?

I try make points, draw dots of the different challenges of my life and hope that maybe one day they'll make sense. Maybe when I am where I'm meant to be, I'll truly believe it. I hope that that day I'll be able to sit back and look at the dots and draw the line that connects the dots.

Why go through so much hurt, go through so many irrelevant paths if they all don't add up? Is it necessary? Especially when you're at a point where you don't understand any of it.

Are we all taught life lessons and we refuse to learn from them? If we are, why isn't it ever obvious? Why can't we just have the answers so we don't stress? So that we can avoid all the extra heart ache that we don't need.

Right now I'm looking at all my possibilities. No they still don't make sense. Hopefully one day they will. I pray it will all come to me, and that it will all make sense. Until then, I cry and hope one day, all this tears will have meant something.

If I ever cry then, when I finally realize it all. I hope it will only be tears of joy, because I'll be happy. Because I'll have conquered. Because it was all worth it. I cry.