Marking the end of 2017

As I close the year on the blog I think I should try and do better on writing content for the blog next year. What kills me the most is I basically skipped posting for the whole of 2016 and that was the time I should have had the most to write. Anyway, enough with the guilt. Let me finish off on this year’s post by reflecting about the year and just seeing if there’s anything I learned from it.

         Perfection:

I keep being held back by my willingness to be perfect. I worry too much about posting the perfect blog with the perfect grammar so much that I don’t end up posting at all. I worry so much about what people will say or think about me, so much that I don’t put out what I’m supposed to. Maybe it’s got more to do with fear as I don’t think I need to care so much about these things. If there’s anything I have learned as a creative is that critiquing is part of life and the only way we get to learn. So what the heck! Participation is better than deprivation.

         Travel

This year I went to Senegal and Guinea Bissau which has been a long awaited travel. My dad has resided in the area for almost ten years and he talked about how Guinea Bissau had a long way to go compared to Kenya. He already warned me about it so I figured I had an idea of what I was getting myself into but can’t say I did to that extent. I was shocked! I complain so much about my country being backward but traveling to other African countries has been an eye opener. I got to appreciate the difference in cultures and the similarities. Mostly, they taught me gratitude. I realize that we are a developing country as well, that everything is a progress in time and just because we are where we are now doesn’t mean we don’t get better. It’s more about the pace, the moment, the time, the reasons that come along with it, the handling, does it get better? The better is what we always look up to and the little hope we cling to. That the little things we have for now and that which we have achieved are worth praising and that every progress should be accounted for, and appreciated.

          Skills

My skills are a work in progress. They are so many things I desire to learn. So many things I wish I knew at this point in time. I have done so much things already and I already know so much. As time moves on and as everything progresses; new things come up. I can’t know everything unfortunately, but I can make better use of the time I have to get to learn something new, out of the things I wish to know. I should also learn to appreciate the new things learned which goes in line with appreciating and acknowledging my progress.

          Progress

In the coming year I want to keep track of my progress. I want to be able to appreciate the new things and the little steps I make to get to where I desire to be. One of these include blogging more; hence, reflecting monthly on the things I have done. 2017 has been one of my toughest years career-wise. It’s easy to say it has been a wasteful year for me but I can’t put aside my attempts to make myself a better person. So much is easily ignored when you don’t have anything tangible for yourself though it has been the year of recognition. Recognition to realize that I hold the willpower to make the best of myself and show it, because no one else will do that for you. I need to know that someone else’s progress does not necessarily mean mine; even so, it should be celebrated as it is, believing that my time will come and understanding that our timings are always different.

Here’s my good bye to 2017 and my hello 2018. 

Ambigiuity

It reaches a point in your life when you just stop caring. So many things bug you but you’re won out of worry. Nothing makes sense any more. So much that you do what you do because it's what you do. If you don't continue doing it, then you're basically doing nothing and anything is better than nothing. You justify your doings by all means so much that it begins to make sense. Well at least you think it does but it really doesn't. Eventually you’re just doing something to justify the nothing.

 So is life, a wonder in itself. I no longer feel the need to justify anything, maybe because I lack the justification, maybe because if I justified it, it would be meaningless and what's the something worth doing if it's meaningless. It's even worrying to think about because to think about it means to justify it while really, there’s nothing to it. I know that some things don’t make sense, but then again...neither does life.

Then again, what's a life lived without meaning? Better to justify it, even if it's nothing in order to define the nothing by calling it something. I haven't said something in a while because of the nothingness that lacks justification. Even if I justified it, it wouldn't make sense, though sometimes some things are best said when they don't make sense. When they don’t make sense to other people but they make sense to you. The same way some things we will never know but God knows and that's enough. 

Catching up!

It’s currently raining as I write this post. I know, random! It has been so long since I last wrote. I don’t even know where to begin. Oh how I’ve missed writing. I can’t believe I didn’t post anything, the whole of 2016. So this post should update you all.

I’m not sure if not writing is a good or a bad thing anymore, seeing that when I write it’s usually when I’m down and my emotions decide to take over. Currently I’m not employed and that could be another reason as to why as I’m wondering, “What next?”

My education:

So many times I have complained about being a jerk of all trades and being a master in none. Guess what? I now have a master in Graphic Design and Typography. Can I get applauded for that proud moment please…?

Thank you!

Here is what I learned…

It doesn’t matter how much education you get. Some people will still treat you like shit, discredit your work. Some will envy you, but that’s OK. You’re not better than them, as they only think that you think you’re better than them.

Yes, there’s been a learning curve, in the positive direction. I’ve learned so much!!! Though I always say receiving knowledge doesn’t end. It is always your duty to go out and find out more.

My educative days during my study were filled with research, discovering and documentation. Even today I’m happy to learn something new. Besides, who said I have to be a jerk of all trades? Why not be a master in all?

My creativity:

My thoughts are faster than any of my hands or ability is able to capture and bring it to reality. Sometimes I sit there and picture it all in my head and I’m already done, I’m over it. Nothing is wrong with that, since it saves me time from doing it and ending up not liking it. I have a broader imagination that captures concepts better. Nowadays my work needs purpose. I am able to sieve out work that’s unnecessary. I now understand that creation without purpose is just art and not design. No wonder my work before had less value.

I am aware that a lot of people will use you for your skills/talents. I say this for any creatives out there. Some won’t even give you credit for your work, let alone pay you. Some don’t even notice that they do this which is an insult. They take on your work and move on like nothing happened. A lot of people will discredit or disregard the time and effort you put into your work. They will not realize that you created something out of nothing, and that without you, it wouldn’t exist. It is OK. Such people do not know the power of gratitude. Gratitude goes a long way, for it could either make or break a person. Don’t let such people bother you for their actions do not define your talent.

Discovering myself:

I can’t say that I have discovered myself fully in terms of success and achievements, but I know myself. I know what I can do, and what I can’t do, what I love and what I don’t love. Through the past year I traveled alone to the UK and I’m now back home. In UK, I stayed on my own, I knew no one where I was and did a lot of things on my own. In the process, I learned to love myself. I now enjoy my own company. Something I thought I would never do was sitting alone in a restaurant and having a meal by myself.  I got to do that a couple of times, got quite comfortable if I may add. I took a lot of walks in the park on my own and I discovered a lot of new places as well. All I can say is Cambridge is such a beautiful town and I am glad I got to take this self-discovery journey while I was there.

My love life:

I always hated on love; though I still do sometimes, not as much. Believe it or not, I am currently dating, and I have been for over a year and a half.  I look back at all the things I said about love when I wasn’t in love, and I shake my head. When it comes to love, we all have different experiences and different opinions. I know that now. Not all love is the same. You can give advice about relationships but what works you does not necessarily work for another.  Being in a relationship has taught me privacy. Before I liked to tell all because I didn’t care, now I do. You learn that it’s not just you in that relationship. It’s two of you, and that alone is different.

I know I’m late but happy 2017!