Lovelorn

Funny how you don't know someone and yet when you see them for the first time, your heart skips a beat, you forget to breath, your world spins because your drawn to them, lost in the stare. Perhaps a physical attraction, I’m not really sure what to call it.

It feels like I had a past life with them in it and that we loved each other. That our love is overflowing from then to now and so we have a connection. I see you looking; I feel it, along with the sense of déjà vu. The love force so strong, it creates an attraction pull that only our worlds beyond can explain. All we do is keep a daze because we don’t understand it, more so it’s a beautiful thing. I decide fate must have brought us together.

In that moment I’m always lost for words. I’d never be the first to say anything and because I don’t say it, I never know. I assume that the feeling is mutual. Normally the moment is replayed slower in my head, as if time froze over; yes, a slow-motion occurrence. Even if it feels unreal, no matter how many times I second guess, I tell myself over and over again and reassure myself that you must have felt it too. Well at least I hope you did. So then I allow it, I enjoy the moment, I swirl in it, make it last forever, daydream. Until I’m lost in my thoughts since that’s as far as it ever goes, I create a whole world for both of us and imagine what we could have been.

Familiar is only measured by a moment not a life time. If it lasts any longer it’s a lifestyle. Therefore, I know that moments like this don’t last forever. In other words I will never see you again. If am lucky maybe fate will be kind and bring you back to me. That maybe we will see each other again; have another moment. Maybe then I’ll have courage. Either way, why even bother? It’s not like we were meant to be, or were we?

Eventually you disappear. You are only a memory. I don’t see you again. I’m hurt, as if it were real. It must have revised it so many times because I don’t remember it clearly. I can’t tell the difference with what I made up and what was real. I am stupid for dwelling in the moment and crying for something we never had. I tell myself;

 “It isn’t worth it, never was. I’ll never love. I am lovelorn.”