Lonesome

Doesn’t matter what I do or say because everything is pointless

Nothing has meaning anymore

I’m so tired!

 Tired of trying, tired of hoping, tired of all the wishful thinking, tired of lying to myself that I can when I know I can’t.  

I wish the grass was greener on the other side, but it isn’t! It never has been, never will be, it’s all in my head cause even on the other side, it’s all the same. It’s always been the same, there’s no difference. Nothing to fight for, nothing to achieve!

What’s a goal without a score or what’s a score without a goal? Nothing! They both are nothing when they stand alone.

I stand alone, am so alone. I look around me and I realize that yes I am alone. I’ve always been alone. Doesn’t matter where or with whom, I’m always alone and I see that now.

Nobody cares, nobody sees, nobody listens, nobody understands.

The thrill, the eagerness is all varnished, disappeared. I’ve gone silent in worry. I’m so despaired, so disappointed!

No one to talk to, no one to make clear of the things I can’t explain myself. No way to make another understand if I myself cannot even understand.

So much bugging, so little to say… I’m quiet, in my mind, lost in worry, my insanity, it drives me crazy.

Who needs explanation anyway? Besides, is it yours or mine to figure out? Who cares?

Not a damn body!

Not a mind or soul!

Not even my dreams. They aren’t valid.

My dreams, everything is all so vague. Maybe it isn’t vague, maybe I just know the answer to the question but I don’t like it. I don’t want to hear it, so I avoid, I run and I escape, every time! Only to end up in the same place… Nowhere!