My take on domestic Abuse

I've been coming across a lot of domestic abuse cases and its been bugging me a lot. I just don't see what would ever lead a man to hit a woman up to the point where she has to be hospitalized. Is it hatred? Or what is it? You tell me. Funny they be the same people that come pleading back for forgiveness. In my case I don't think anyone who has been abused should return to the person whom abused them cause trust and believe, it may happen again. Once beaten, twice shy!

Let me share this story I heard of some lady on Classic FM on my ride to school some days back. I'll call the characters 'Anne' and 'Jim" (Not their real names)

        Ok so Anne and Jim were dating. They really loved each other. Then Anne got pregnant and she told Jim about her pregnancy. Jim immediately told her to have an abortion and Anne was not for it; so she told him if he doesn't want to keep the baby, then she will take care of the baby herself. Lucky for Anne she had a good support system and she was able to take care of the baby on her own. When Jim heard that she was able he hesitated a bit and decided he would reconsider his options. He then said he was ok with the idea of a child and said he would help her out with the baby. Then came 6 months.. Jim ends up beating up Anne and leaves her on the floor bleeding helpless. Anne was able to get to her sister's place who lived nearby and was rushed to hospital. Turns out that Anne was having twins and both babies died inside her and because of that she had to be operated on. After the operation she was told she could never have children. It was such a sad story.

I was really disgusted by it. I don't get how any guy could do that in the first place. In her case he never showed any signs of violence or physical abuse in that manner. I just don't get what drives people to do anything of the sort, whether its unavoidable, or if we are able to detect such people and keep off.

Then today I read this comment someone mentioned on abuse, thought I'd share it as well...

" I have really given a lot of thought to the issue of domestic abuse and the views America has on it. I have seen contradictory views by the masses from The Chris and Rihanna situation, to K Michelle and Memphitz to the hood rat on the bus with the bus driver. Many ppl say in Rihanna's case that a man should NEVER hit a woman under any circumstances, fast track to K Michelle where she probably "forced" him to, all the way to the bus driver where she deserved to be uppercut. I have come to the realization that there are two forms of physical abuse between males and females and I feel that America has not differentiated that fact. Some women face real domestic abuse many times mostly mental, but these women are belittled, abused and sometimes destroyed of any real self image. These are the true victims in my opinion. & then there are women who argue with their men and push them to their breaking point causing the men to lash out sometimes bringing out something in them that even they didn't know existed. These women, though not completely victims are given the same sympathy as the truly abused women. I'm not saying the second case men are blameless but these men are human, and it takes a strong person male or female to endure verbal or physical attacks and not act on it. Please don't try to tell me that any man who hits a woman is an evil monster because just as is the bus driver or K Michelle's case you sometimes agree that it is brought on by something more than an emotional disturbed man. I don't know which case Rihanna and Chris fall under but I feel that he may have truly made a mistake at 19 yrs old. My main point is that we should be able to differentiate the two and judge accordingly." ~ Divah

I'm not sure about the Rihanna and the Chris Brown situation. That beating was not normal, I wouldn't call that mental stability. Something's obviously bugging that child. Although Rihanna has chose to go back to him, so am sure she's well aware of the consequences and she loves him enough to take the risk of being with him, then so be it.

My Dont's

       

            I don't like that I have a lot to write and the fact that I haven't written it. I don't like that I have four unfinished paintings all left half way that I haven't done that sits on my desk and collects dust. I don't like that I go to school for the sake of it, just because I have to, and also because I have to finish my assignments on time. The last thing I need is for me to fall behind in my school work. So now am just doing my work for the sake of finishing it, not because I want to. I don't like the little time I'm given to work on them and the limitations I have on them because I know I could do so much better... lately, its become I just don't care! I don't like that I feel like my time is limited, that I'm always rushing to get something done, that even when I have time I just don't know how to spend that time. Some how It always feels like there's so much to do that I just don't do it at all! 

            I don’t like that I'm getting closer to my 30s and I don’t have any potentials at the moment. I say I don’t care about marriage but secretly I do. I hate that I wonder if it will ever happen at this rate, if there is real love out there as it is spoken to be, and if it's really for everybody. I don’t like that I haven’t established myself in the society in terms of what I want to do, that I don’t stay in my own house, drive my own car, spend my own cash limitlessly without any worries, and that I'm not travelling overseas as I pictured I would be doing now.

            I don’t like that I feel like I have to keep rushing with my magazine to publish it by the beginning of every month, that nowadays it has become stressful. I don’t like that I don’t see as if my viewers for the magazine are increasing. I honestly believe in numbers, and right now the numbers aren't showing like I want them too, which tells me I'm doing everything wrong. I don’t like that I feel like I shouldn't bother with things that don’t give me profit, that I'm not sure of my value, my worth in my art and whether it’s as good as it should be. I just don’t like that I always find myself saying that am good, but just not good enough, that I'm my own worst critic. 

            I don’t like that sometimes I find myself fighting back tears, that sometimes I feel angry with myself for no reason. I hate that I feel like I should cry, but I don't because its always in a public place or when its uncalled for, so I just act like everything is ok. If I'm ask if I'm ok of course my answer is always going to be yes! Mostly because I don't want anyone to be worried or concerned about my concerns so don’t be worried… I'll be ok, I always I'm. Just the fact that I don’t have anywhere to vent about my don'ts. Mainly because if I talk to someone I feel like I've heard the same talks:

            "Don’t worry, you’ll be ok. Think positive. You can do it. Don’t give up! With time everything falls in place. Keep praying. I'm here for you, just talk to me, I’ll listen. Keep striving, nothing comes easy. Appreciate what you have...blablabla!" 

             I feel like I already know what you’ll tell me to try and give me encouragement. Same old same old, it gets tired. It’s not like I don’t know it, trust me I tell myself these things over and over again. My pretty little own words of advice that I hear, watch read about. Believe me I could write a motivational book myself if I had to… and all in all, I don’t like that I still feel like this.

            Most of all, I don’t like that I write my negativity on my blog, makes me look like such a sad and pessimist. Maybe in a way I am more than I let on. I like to build a shell, only to protect myself and somehow believe that I'll rid off all the negatives for real. Good thing with writing it, is that I feel better. Not all the way, but I'm transferring it. The transfer of energy concept is still strong in my mind. I need to put it in use! Besides, I still don’t think people read my blogs, well not all that many people and I'm glad. Especially after times like this when I dare to write such blogs.

            You see me, I am happy, sad, you'll never really know. At the end of the day, I'm still here, still breathing as I type this. One day I will not be here, so I can be thankful for many other things such as life. I wonder if I’ll have made a difference. If I were not born, whether the world would have been any different from today? Probably not, meaning I haven’t made an impact yet. I won’t stop until I do. Even if I'm not running around the world in my underwear making a statement or in the lab figuring out the next new cure. It may not look like it, so many things I'm curious about,  so many unanswered questions. I feel so empty inside,  Yet I'm still breathing. I need to find my worth, because I know I am worthy, we all are! Find your worth!

When I think about it... 

GOODBYE 2012, IT'S 2013, HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

       I'm actually writing this in 2012 as I watch the clock count down to 2013 minute by the minute. I'm not sure this is how I want to spend my new year’s eve. I'm sure by the time this post goes up it will probably be the New Year since I don’t have any internet.

       I'm alone in my room typing this feeling distance from everyone and everything. Not sure why. It’s funny I have my family here all watching a movie together in the other room which I've already watched, but I'm not good at pretending. Something’s bugging me and I don’t know what it is. I don’t feel like am myself. I feel like am changing into someone else, not someone I necessarily like, or maybe I'm just growing older and my preferences are changing. I've always been a people person, but now all I want to do is to be left alone. I mean I love my friends, my family, everyone! Although every day the clock is ticking, the days are going and I'm not content, rather everything feels subtle. I'm not where I want to be and I feel like am running out of time.

       I should be happy with everything I have as of now but instead I find myself chasing time trying to figure out everything I'm doing wrong. I know in my heart that everything am doing deserves so much more than what I have. Maybe I'm just so unrealistic.

       Life is short, you only leave once (Seems to be everyone’s motto everywhere nowadays). Ask yourself if you die today; are you happy with everything you've done so far? Is it everything you wanted to do, or are you waiting to start it later on?

       I hate my indecisiveness, impatience, my quick mind change; makes me question everything in the end. I don’t want to lie to myself by making New Year’s resolutions as to what I'm going to do and change. Life as we know it is very unpredictable. I still feel greatness in me so I’ll always keep that strive for it. Right now my vision is blurred but every year gone by, is a reminder, my empowerment, my will to keep fighting and to keep goal searching. 

My Appreciation and gratitude!

     

Oil Painting of me, by the artist Gordon

      Its been a while since I actually sat down and blogged about something, and the sad part is I've had so much to say but I haven't really said it because I've been real busy. The importance of today's blog is to show my appreciation. I've  realized I complain a lot and its not a good thing, can't say am proud about it either. I have to stop myself  a couple of times from some of the things I catch myself saying. That's one of the things I need to work on. Plus I need to start having positivity in everything that I do. Then again, if I'm not complaining or venting on my blog, what's there to say?
     
      Lately I've been caught between my thoughts and my reality; wondering about possibilities and whether some things were meant to be or whether or not I plan my own destiny. Tell me about fate verses destiny, are they the same thing? I'm I able to plan destiny provided I know my fate. Is my fate fixed or is it decisive of the choices I make? I think somehow we all set the path to our fate by the destiny we choose for ourself. Even so what if our fate is already determined for us and there is nothing we can do about it? Don't we all have the right to know our fate? Will it affect our choices? So in the end shouldn't it matter that we know our fate if its already fixed? Will it make us change our destiny if we can make better choices; know what we're already doing wrong to mend the broken pieces? Are we lazy to work towards our goals knowing they are already attainable if told? All these questions... I'm wanting to know my fate and whether everything I'm doing now is all worth everything I'm working towards.Ok, lets forget about fate and destiny. You should give me some of your opinions on that as well.

        I've completely gone out of my route from where I began on this journey. If you know me then you know I was strong on my sciences, loved it; somewhere along that path I decided to brunch out into the arts and test out the pastures of this new route I'm now headed. Sometimes not even I can convince myself whether I'm on the right track, whether I've deviated completely and gotten lost, and if I'll ever find my path again.

My 'channel of hope' painting:
This is the last painting I've painted so far. I still see the light. That's always something I've said when I'm hopeful or if I'm almost getting where I'm headed. This painting reminds me to be hopeful.

   

   Right now I believe in reason and purpose. That's the light shining bright. When I don't have reason I feel lost. If I can't say why or find the reason of the things I do then I have no purpose. I ask myself, "What's the point?" All in all, its about finding the worth. May God give me purpose.

     I appreciate every encouraging voice. Any compliments or comment I get. Every little reminder, question or encouragement of me to continue what I do. Any support I have from my paintings, photography, nail art, or my magazine. I thank everyone who has lifted a hand to write me an article for my mag, model for me on the cover, thanking my editor for my magazine and all those who read my magazine. Thanking all those who've encouraged me to keep painting. My photography work, my admirers of my work. Those who've liked my pages and sent me mentions on twitter and helped 'RT' my work.. anything I can think of cause you all took the time to do that. LOL even my haters if I'm allowed to say. But mostly I'm grateful for all the positive feedback. Thank you God, I'm always grateful to you first! I can't say I've made it in my life or I'm even close to where I want to be, but I am thankful for everything I have now and what I've been given. We all should have that mentality of being thankful.

You all are my voice of hope because you show me that I'm on my right track. You're my reason, therefore you give me purpose.

This is my thank you note to everyone that have given me a reason, I am humbled :-)

A special thank you to all my blog readers, those who've followed and Favorited my blog. You all know yourselves I salute you all. Yes! I appreciate that you tell me these things.

I can never say enough thank yous.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Here is a song I would like to leave you all with cause I saw the video today for the first time and I already heard the song and liked it.

Shine bright like a diamond!


   

What I look for in a relationship.

A lot of people keep asking me the same questions like, "Why I am single? What's my type?" and I'll just go ahead and give you some of those reasons and answers:

1. Date Someone who adds Value to your life.

I need someone that I don't have to lower my standards to be with but will help me raise my standards instead. I should be climbing the ladder upwards not downwards. I need progress in my life. So I check his status qua, does it match my lifestyle? Can he be able to do the things I've always done and does he fit in comfortably in my life? Many people talk about how money doesn't matter but to me it does. I'm not saying be a gold digger, I just don't settle down for someone that I know wont provide for me because a man is suppose to be able to provide. Somehow I always end up being the one who pays all the bills in a relationship and also the one doing all the providing, I don't like it. I need a man who will be able to take care of me. At least a man who makes himself feel needed or is good for something by contributing into my life. If you can't even treat me out to lunch and afford a plate for yourself, leave alone me... what value are you really adding to my life? So you bought me a soda cause that's all you could afford, I have sodas at home. In that case I'm not really impressed, so hell yes I am better off without you. In my head I already know I'm way out of your league and I don't want you to strain yourself to satisfy me.

2. Seriously? Your addicted to drinking, Smoking and you're always high!?

How can I take someone like that seriously? I'll be honest right now, if you are addicted to any of those I mentioned, I just can't see myself with you. I need someone who can get their act together. I really don't need to string along this kind of person around me that influences me negatively. These are usually the type of people I run away from the most. Yes I drink occasionally but to be honest if you fall on this category, know your on the bottom of my list because I don't want to become an addict like you.

3. Religious Views:

I am a religious person, so one of the things that don't automatically work for me is if you tell me you don't believe in God. One of the things that ruin relationships are when you and your partner do not have the same views or anything in common. For me this is a big one! I need someone who can help me grow spiritually, be  my mentor and not take me away from my God.

4. Someone who compliments me:

Chivalry isn't dead! I need a man who courts me and tells me how he really feels. A guy who's not afraid to share his thoughts with me. Tell me how he feels, be open! Besides, how else can a relationship survive without communication. A guy who appreciates me and makes it known gives me all the reassurance a girl needs. So do it all the time, keep it constant, keep those compliments coming! I'll never get tired of hearing I look good cause I'm someone who likes to look good anyway. I wears my perfume, do my hair and nails...
this tells me that you appreciate and notice my daily efforts to impress. And not only I should look good, I also need my man to be on top of his game. For example, I do my daily workouts, he also needs to keep up with his shape. A guy who smells good is such a turn on for me, so yeah! A man who knows how to take care of himself can definitely roll with me! I want to know and hear we look good together and that we also compliment each other well when we're together!

5. Emotional stability and support:

I like giving advice to people so I don't mind listening to what people have to tell me. Even so I can't be with you if you have too many problems going on in your life and you're not emotionally stable. I also keep off if you can't control yourself around people when something nerve wrecking happens. These are the type of people I fear might turn on me and hit me one day. I'm against any abusive relationships and I try to pick up on the early signs. Call me paranoid, but I'd better be safe than sorry. I like people who are easy to talk to and advice me on the little things in life and are honest with their opinions. Someone who if I get stuck or hit a mental block, will help me move forward. All in all someone who can also be my best friend and who you know you can count on to be there for you when you need them.

Usually I ask people in relationships, "Do you see yourself spending the rest of your life with your current partner?" they usually say no. The way I see it is that I don't want to say no when I'm asked that question. I always know when I can't see myself spending the rest of my life with someone and in such cases I don't bother being with that person. There's no need for a tainted heart when you know a relationship wont last. I usually don't take people for joy rides... I make it count! 

All in all I want someone who will build me up physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually! Now that's what I really look for in a man if you ask me! 

My 50 Paintings so far:

I started painting in 2009 as a hobby. Thought I'd desplay the 50 paintings I have done from my first to the latest to celebrate having done 50 paintings.

1

2

3

4

5

6. (faces)

7

8. (distorted garden)

9

10

11. (coloured falls)

12

13

14. (something pink)

15

16. (cry me a river)

17

18

19

20

21

22

23. (butterfly effect)

24

25

26

27

28

29

30

31. (let go)

32

33. (something dreamy)

34

35

36. (day and night)

37

(The 2 in addition to the 1st piece equalled a 3 piece set)

38. (twilight sage)

39

40

41

42

43

44

45

46

47

48

49

50. (Mockingjay)

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