Saturday, August 3, 2013

Somewhere In Between

This life, we just never know where its going. Everything is a guess, we all take risks, we all take chances. All so slightly with our hopes up and our dreams yearning, that everything turns out okay. We never really know anything, we're never really sure. Yet we still endure and opt for that better outcome.

Right now, somewhere in between I feel fear, I feel hopelessness, I feel doubt, I feel that I lost my way. I keep looking back... As am trying to think back, I feel as though I'm trapped in the past. I can't keep moving forward because I want to mend the past mistakes. Problem is I can't find the past mistakes, or even if I do, I can't help but regret cause I'm stuck on my old habits. Habits are safe, at least if its habit, it means am accustomed to them so habits are what I want to grab on. I mean think about it... How can you go wrong if your familiar with that something that you do way to often? You know the outcome, you know the expectations. That way, its never a lose situation because all you know is loosing, so what's winning like? Is that all there is? Can one really be afraid of winning because they've never felt what it is like to win?

Somewhere in between, I find myself questioning every step along the way. The 'what ifs'? Oh how I hate the 'what ifs.' Then there's the 'hows' and the 'why should I'? Better the 'the why nots'? because they are self motivating.

It's a re-carrying nightmare! If only I had known then what I know now, somewhere in between.. would I have made the choices I made then again, given the chance to do it over? If the answer is no, I'm I stuck somewhere in between? Can I get out? Help me get out! Help me stop looking back! Help me carry on! Help me look forward!

If only I had known then what I know now I wouldn't have made the choices that I made.