Life!

My life has made me such a cold bitch!

I’ve built up a stone wall around me and trust no one but myself. If I trust you it’s probably because am thinking at the time ‘Matter over mind’ rather than ‘mind over matter’.

I’ve learn that if I get comfortable with the things I have at the moment, then I’ll never find happiness in the things that I long for because nothing comes easy unless I go out and get it myself.

I’ve learn that luck is optional; it is not given. We don’t always have luck; that bad things happen to everybody and so I am not an exception.

I’ve learn that it is easy to be bitter for so long without even realizing it. Realization is necessary to close wounds that hurt me and enable me to make peace with myself for a better mind.

I’ve learned that I worry because of the unknown, more so because my life could change at any moment and that I’m never sure when and whether it will be good or bad.

I’ve learned that the mind can be your worst enemy. Creating events and scenarios unimaginable that builds so much fear. You can let it destroy you or learn to realize that it’s not real. Therefore, fear is a choice.

I’ve learned that life isn’t easy, but without life we are dead. 

Something About Humility

I really have admiration for humility in others and I’ve realized it’s something I want to find in myself. I keep finding myself complaining about the lack of value and self-worth over and over again and this story has got tired. I realized that I don’t value myself at all. I don’t value myself even now, and so what makes me think I’ll ever find value myself even if I was at a better position.

Funny I was watching Lupita’s interview with Lilian Muli on Citizen, you can watch it below: (Skip to 20:30 onward if you don’t want to watch the whole video).

 When she talks about value and everything she said on that and also about humbling yourself. Her words are so powerful because I realized that’s me, the whiner. I don’t really find value in anything, even in the smallest things or appreciate what’s in front of me right now.

All my life I’ve been seeking for something that I don’t have, or wanting what I don’t have and I’ve been forgetting about what’s there in front of me. I really need to change that. I want to be able to serve others without complaining. I’m working on that. I need to stop bickering about silly things and change my attitudes towards life. I need to be able to give, even more than I have. Not caring about tomorrow, but caring about the joys which today bring.

The Good book says, and I really love this: (My Sunday reading in church by the way!)

Mathew 6: 25-26

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink, nor about your body more than your clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not more value than they?”

I’m seeking humility in this Lent period.