Wednesday, January 30, 2013

My take on domestic Abuse

I've been coming across a lot of domestic abuse cases and its been bugging me a lot. I just don't see what would ever lead a man to hit a woman up to the point where she has to be hospitalized. Is it hatred? Or what is it? You tell me. Funny they be the same people that come pleading back for forgiveness. In my case I don't think anyone who has been abused should return to the person whom abused them cause trust and believe, it may happen again. Once beaten, twice shy!

Let me share this story I heard of some lady on Classic FM on my ride to school some days back. I'll call the characters 'Anne' and 'Jim" (Not their real names)

        Ok so Anne and Jim were dating. They really loved each other. Then Anne got pregnant and she told Jim about her pregnancy. Jim immediately told her to have an abortion and Anne was not for it; so she told him if he doesn't want to keep the baby, then she will take care of the baby herself. Lucky for Anne she had a good support system and she was able to take care of the baby on her own. When Jim heard that she was able he hesitated a bit and decided he would reconsider his options. He then said he was ok with the idea of a child and said he would help her out with the baby. Then came 6 months.. Jim ends up beating up Anne and leaves her on the floor bleeding helpless. Anne was able to get to her sister's place who lived nearby and was rushed to hospital. Turns out that Anne was having twins and both babies died inside her and because of that she had to be operated on. After the operation she was told she could never have children. It was such a sad story.

I was really disgusted by it. I don't get how any guy could do that in the first place. In her case he never showed any signs of violence or physical abuse in that manner. I just don't get what drives people to do anything of the sort, whether its unavoidable, or if we are able to detect such people and keep off.

Then today I read this comment someone mentioned on abuse, thought I'd share it as well...

" I have really given a lot of thought to the issue of domestic abuse and the views America has on it. I have seen contradictory views by the masses from The Chris and Rihanna situation, to K Michelle and Memphitz to the hood rat on the bus with the bus driver. Many ppl say in Rihanna's case that a man should NEVER hit a woman under any circumstances, fast track to K Michelle where she probably "forced" him to, all the way to the bus driver where she deserved to be uppercut. I have come to the realization that there are two forms of physical abuse between males and females and I feel that America has not differentiated that fact. Some women face real domestic abuse many times mostly mental, but these women are belittled, abused and sometimes destroyed of any real self image. These are the true victims in my opinion. & then there are women who argue with their men and push them to their breaking point causing the men to lash out sometimes bringing out something in them that even they didn't know existed. These women, though not completely victims are given the same sympathy as the truly abused women. I'm not saying the second case men are blameless but these men are human, and it takes a strong person male or female to endure verbal or physical attacks and not act on it. Please don't try to tell me that any man who hits a woman is an evil monster because just as is the bus driver or K Michelle's case you sometimes agree that it is brought on by something more than an emotional disturbed man. I don't know which case Rihanna and Chris fall under but I feel that he may have truly made a mistake at 19 yrs old. My main point is that we should be able to differentiate the two and judge accordingly." ~ Divah

I'm not sure about the Rihanna and the Chris Brown situation. That beating was not normal, I wouldn't call that mental stability. Something's obviously bugging that child. Although Rihanna has chose to go back to him, so am sure she's well aware of the consequences and she loves him enough to take the risk of being with him, then so be it.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

My Dont's


            I don't like that I have a lot to write and the fact that I haven't written it. I don't like that I have four unfinished paintings all left half way that I haven't done that sits on my desk and collects dust. I don't like that I go to school for the sake of it, just because I have to, and also because I have to finish my assignments on time. The last thing I need is for me to fall behind in my school work. So now am just doing my work for the sake of finishing it, not because I want to. I don't like the little time I'm given to work on them and the limitations I have on them because I know I could do so much better... lately, its become I just don't care! I don't like that I feel like my time is limited, that I'm always rushing to get something done, that even when I have time I just don't know how to spend that time. Some how It always feels like there's so much to do that I just don't do it at all! 

            I don’t like that I'm getting closer to my 30s and I don’t have any potentials at the moment. I say I don’t care about marriage but secretly I do. I hate that I wonder if it will ever happen at this rate, if there is real love out there as it is spoken to be, and if it's really for everybody. I don’t like that I haven’t established myself in the society in terms of what I want to do, that I don’t stay in my own house, drive my own car, spend my own cash limitlessly without any worries, and that I'm not travelling overseas as I pictured I would be doing now.

            I don’t like that I feel like I have to keep rushing with my magazine to publish it by the beginning of every month, that nowadays it has become stressful. I don’t like that I don’t see as if my viewers for the magazine are increasing. I honestly believe in numbers, and right now the numbers aren't showing like I want them too, which tells me I'm doing everything wrong. I don’t like that I feel like I shouldn't bother with things that don’t give me profit, that I'm not sure of my value, my worth in my art and whether it’s as good as it should be. I just don’t like that I always find myself saying that am good, but just not good enough, that I'm my own worst critic. 

            I don’t like that sometimes I find myself fighting back tears, that sometimes I feel angry with myself for no reason. I hate that I feel like I should cry, but I don't because its always in a public place or when its uncalled for, so I just act like everything is ok. If I'm ask if I'm ok of course my answer is always going to be yes! Mostly because I don't want anyone to be worried or concerned about my concerns so don’t be worried… I'll be ok, I always I'm. Just the fact that I don’t have anywhere to vent about my don'ts. Mainly because if I talk to someone I feel like I've heard the same talks:

            "Don’t worry, you’ll be ok. Think positive. You can do it. Don’t give up! With time everything falls in place. Keep praying. I'm here for you, just talk to me, I’ll listen. Keep striving, nothing comes easy. Appreciate what you have...blablabla!" 

             I feel like I already know what you’ll tell me to try and give me encouragement. Same old same old, it gets tired. It’s not like I don’t know it, trust me I tell myself these things over and over again. My pretty little own words of advice that I hear, watch read about. Believe me I could write a motivational book myself if I had to… and all in all, I don’t like that I still feel like this.

            Most of all, I don’t like that I write my negativity on my blog, makes me look like such a sad and pessimist. Maybe in a way I am more than I let on. I like to build a shell, only to protect myself and somehow believe that I'll rid off all the negatives for real. Good thing with writing it, is that I feel better. Not all the way, but I'm transferring it. The transfer of energy concept is still strong in my mind. I need to put it in use! Besides, I still don’t think people read my blogs, well not all that many people and I'm glad. Especially after times like this when I dare to write such blogs.

            You see me, I am happy, sad, you'll never really know. At the end of the day, I'm still here, still breathing as I type this. One day I will not be here, so I can be thankful for many other things such as life. I wonder if I’ll have made a difference. If I were not born, whether the world would have been any different from today? Probably not, meaning I haven’t made an impact yet. I won’t stop until I do. Even if I'm not running around the world in my underwear making a statement or in the lab figuring out the next new cure. It may not look like it, so many things I'm curious about,  so many unanswered questions. I feel so empty inside,  Yet I'm still breathing. I need to find my worth, because I know I am worthy, we all are! Find your worth!

When I think about it... 


       I'm actually writing this in 2012 as I watch the clock count down to 2013 minute by the minute. I'm not sure this is how I want to spend my new year’s eve. I'm sure by the time this post goes up it will probably be the New Year since I don’t have any internet.

       I'm alone in my room typing this feeling distance from everyone and everything. Not sure why. It’s funny I have my family here all watching a movie together in the other room which I've already watched, but I'm not good at pretending. Something’s bugging me and I don’t know what it is. I don’t feel like am myself. I feel like am changing into someone else, not someone I necessarily like, or maybe I'm just growing older and my preferences are changing. I've always been a people person, but now all I want to do is to be left alone. I mean I love my friends, my family, everyone! Although every day the clock is ticking, the days are going and I'm not content, rather everything feels subtle. I'm not where I want to be and I feel like am running out of time.

       I should be happy with everything I have as of now but instead I find myself chasing time trying to figure out everything I'm doing wrong. I know in my heart that everything am doing deserves so much more than what I have. Maybe I'm just so unrealistic.

       Life is short, you only leave once (Seems to be everyone’s motto everywhere nowadays). Ask yourself if you die today; are you happy with everything you've done so far? Is it everything you wanted to do, or are you waiting to start it later on?

       I hate my indecisiveness, impatience, my quick mind change; makes me question everything in the end. I don’t want to lie to myself by making New Year’s resolutions as to what I'm going to do and change. Life as we know it is very unpredictable. I still feel greatness in me so I’ll always keep that strive for it. Right now my vision is blurred but every year gone by, is a reminder, my empowerment, my will to keep fighting and to keep goal searching.