I've been going out of my mind this month just thinking how the hell I'm going to balance everything I do, now that I got a job! It's funny how I was so committed on having my own thing going that I did not even picture my situation at the moment. It has been a real struggle starting my own business and making it work. I can’t say it went as planned. I still suffer from the battle of marketing myself by always selling myself short. This has always been my shortcoming. In fact that was the reason I decided to let go and get a job.
After getting a job, I realize how crazy it is being so dependent on that job. Even though you tell yourself you are in it for the experience and you will enjoy every moment, it never really is that simple. There comes the stress and worry with it, which include having to answer to someone, trying to beat deadlines and all that kind of stuff I will not go into… so much for taking it easy, right?
In my life I always wanted to work on accomplishing my dreams but since I’ve almost hit rock bottom, I figured I’d work on someone’s else’s dream. It feels like everyone’s whispering to me that I’m doing a lot of nothing and wasting my time, if those aren’t whispers, it must be people’s thoughts penetrating through. Maybe this new stepping stone will be a good life journey and I will learn from it.
I realize that even though we strive on surviving on passion, that’s not enough if it doesn’t bring food to the table. That it is important to earn, because we need money to survive. I instead get caught up in the idea of working for the money, because it becomes a must, we forget the passion involved in getting it and it becomes a drive. A drive for the need to get to eat, sleep and buy clothing, all the essentials we need to survive. The 9-5 pattern Beyonce sings about of our so called daily life. How could anyone get used to this routine? Better that 9-5 because I’m really working 8-30 to 5-30 which are even more hours.
Amongst it all, you find that your mind can be your biggest enemy. Because when negativity consumes you, you start to think that bills have to be paid and how easily you could lose your job at any time. That your life could change abruptly. The change could be for better or worse, God forbid it’s the latter. The possibility of losing your job brings so much uncertainty. Uncertainty brings in so much fear. We leave in the discomfort of the unknown and that at any moment your life could change.