I called it something dreamy, because it looked like something out of a dream.
The truth is that I got discouraged. I kind of feed off the energy of what I get back from the public. At first when I started painting it was just for me. I did it because I felt the urge to paint, and I felt better afterwards. Especially the times when I was down and all alone. As I said before, I have a very artistic nature and I fill the need to express myself. So amongst a lot of other things I do, painting is one of the ways I felt was a good outlet.
I explained to my friend the other day that when I paint it's like that physics Law, "energy can neither be created nor destroyed, it can only be transferred from one body to another." So I guess when I feel bad, that's how I transfer my energy to another form. Well not necessarily bad, but any emotions that I'd be feeling at the time. I always find it interesting to look at the painting when I'm done and try and interpret it. That's because I realized I'm sometime's not good in words or expressing myself; Hence, the need to find a way to let someone else experience that energy, (or more so emotion) that I let out. Ok let me not get too carried away...
I was talking about why I got discouraged:
It all started when I kept getting compliments and everyone.. ok not everyone really but a lot of people who were telling and convincing me to sell them. So I tried that, I listened to them. I took them to Yaya, (a shopping mall in Nairobi, Kenya to be exact) which was the first store that I tried and they accepted them immediately. I was so excited, so a few days past, months, years.. ok let me not push it... a year hadn't passed but it might as well have. I didn't even get one painting to be bought. I then got discouraged and I stopped painting. Now I have so many paintings stashed in the house somewhere because I had to get back my paintings from Yaya, and now I don't know what to do with them. Slowly by slowly I started giving them out for free. I can't lie, if it wasn't for my sisters I probably would have thrown them out and forgotten I ever painted! I guess I was going through one of those episodes of mine where I tell myself there's no point in my talents. It's that type of negative energy that I should do away with.
So days pass, and I've decided that I can't go on doing things to please others. I paint because I love painting. Doesn't matter if I sell my paintings or not. At the end of the day, painting is a part of me and its what I love doing. Therefore, there will be more paintings to come. Hopefully one day someone will buy them from me, or something good will come out of it... I believe so. I always wanted to be remembered as an artist. So let me not be that artist who doesn't appreciate her talent. I feel like that on the bad days, but I know better. Besides, I'm only human and I need assurance sometimes, maybe a few slaps here and there.. but I will continue to paint.
You can check out some of my other paintings on my facebook fanpage here and please like the page if you liked it. I would also appreciate your comments. Thanks in advance.